Do Things in Divorce, Coparenting, and Parenting Have to Be Mutually Exclusive?

Exploring the space where contradiction and coexistence meet.

When you're navigating divorce, coparenting, or just the everyday intensity of parenting, it's easy to fall into “either/or” thinking.

• Either my ex is a jerk or they’re a good parent.

• Either my child talks back or they need to be punished.

• Either I set a firm boundary or I’m being difficult.

But here’s the truth: most of the time, things aren’t so clear-cut.

We’ve been conditioned to believe that two things can’t be true at once—what’s known as mutual exclusivity. If one thing is true, the other must be false. But relationships, emotions, and parenting dynamics are far more layered than that.

Your ex can still be inconsiderate toward you and be a loving, engaged parent. Your child can talk back and be processing big feelings in a developmentally normal way. You can feel deeply frustrated and still want to model compassion.

So… how do you deal with the gray area? You set boundaries.

Boundaries don’t mean shutting people out or ignoring complexity. They mean acknowledging what’s real for you and protecting your emotional space—while still leaving room for others to be who they are, imperfect and all.

When we let go of mutual exclusivity, we give ourselves the freedom to hold nuance. To accept that someone might do something hurtful and something helpful. To parent with clarity and flexibility. To lead with strength and softness.

So, the next time you're struggling with a situation that feels like it has to be “either/or,” ask yourself: What if it’s both? And what boundary do I need to honor both truths?