Parenting from Different Value Systems: Why It Matters in Co-Parenting After Divorce

When parents separate or divorce, one of the biggest challenges they face isn’t just logistics or legal decisions—it’s parenting from two different sets of values. And often, these value differences were present all along, but didn’t fully show up until the kids came along.

You may not even realize how deeply your value system shapes your parenting until you’re confronted with a situation where your co-parent handles it in a way that feels totally wrong to you.

Let’s say one parent believes strongly in teaching honesty, no matter the cost. If a child lies to avoid detention at school, this parent may feel it’s essential that the child face the consequences. But if the other parent sees that lie as a minor issue and thinks it can be addressed privately at home, they may feel the punishment is unnecessary. Or imagine one parent values independence and gives their 12-year-old the freedom to take an Uber home after school. That might horrify the other parent, who sees safety as the top priority and feels that decision is irresponsible—even dangerous.

These aren’t just parenting preferences. They’re rooted in personal values—and when those values conflict, co-parenting can feel like a minefield. That’s where coaching comes in.

In my work with co-parents, we take a step back and identify the values driving your decisions. We look at how your values align—or don’t—with your co-parent’s, and how those differences may be creating tension. Whether I’m working with one parent or both, the goal is the same: to create more awareness, more clarity, and more intentionality in how you show up for your kids.

Even when agreement isn’t possible, respect and collaboration are.